Anytime my father is let out in a public setting things are always interesting. I say “let out” because we as a family try to prevent situations where he can interact with other human beings. Note that all of this is said with a loving, sarcastic tone. People always laugh at him–I’m pretty sure it’s at him, not with him.

We went yesterday to get new cell phones. He’s never had a cell phone in his life. Also he wanted to be home by a certain time to watch a football game.  All of these factors added up to trouble.

Let me back up by giving you a brief overview of him in public. When we were young we would always go to this same Mexican restaurant. At Mexican restaurants in Oklahoma you get complimentary tortillas, chips, salsa, and queso before the meal. (I’m aware they probably do this in other states too, I’m just stating this to set-up the story.) We ran out of tortillas and hadn’t seen our waiter for a while. Keep in mind we were out of tortillas. He had had enough got up, went to the kitchen, and started raising a ruckus about us being out of nachos. “We’re out of nachos! We need more nachos at our table!!!” I’m pretty sure the whole kitchen just stared at him like, “What the heck is he talking about?” And the rest of the family was sitting at the table, heads bowed, laughing, humiliated and wondering why my dad needed more nachos.

Fast forward to yesterday, in the matter of an hour (which in his mind was taking entirely too long) he had assumed a woman was ‘strutting’ in front of him because as he put it she wanted him to flirt with her. He was loudly making fun of an older lady who was standing about five feet away from him–he forgets that not everyone has as bad of hearing as he does. And our poor salesman. He harassed him every five minutes–“Are we done yet? You know I’m missing kick-off right?” I’m sure there’s several things that happened that I was totally unaware of. I’ve come to realize it’s better just to ignore him.

With all that being said, I love him to pieces and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

Mainly because I’m just like him.