Last night I went to a pizza place I hadn’t been to since basically high school. It brought back so many fond memories of me and my friends going there every Sunday night after evening worship. Ohh the memories; the pizza, the drinks, the arcade games, and the innocence of not being an adult and not having to worry about bills, money, broken down cars, and other stress-inducing scenarios that come with being an adult.

My fondest memory of that particular pizza place is an eating contest that took place there. It was between me  and one of the biggest guys in my class. [By big I don’t mean fat, I mean he was well over six feet tall and was just a big guy.]

Here’s the challenge: Whoever could eat a large pizza the fastest [I didn’t know it was timed fyi] wins.

We each ordered our large pizza and right when it came out we started chowing down. Keep in mind that it was fresh out of the oven. So as I’m eating as fast and as much as I could stuff in my mouth, the roof of my mouth was slowly deteriorating from the burns that I was causing by eating a pizza right out of the oven. Random side note to this, this was also the night that I met one of my friend’s boyfriends for the first time. He had to sit across from me and witness this. I’m sure deep down inside behind that horrified look he was impressed.

After about 20 minutes I hear him say, “DONE!” And I still had maybe two or three pieces left. This is where the fact that I didn’t know it was timed comes into play. I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS TIMED! I thought it was who could eat the most. Dagnabit I had been had. He had beat me.

A few years later, in front of our whole congregation on Senior Night, he informed me and the whole congregation that he had cheated. He had eaten the whole pizza, but later that night he had puked over and over. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that after I had finished my whole large (because I did finish it even though the contest was over) I was hungry a couple of hours later.

But the moral of this story is: I WON–NEENER NEENER NEEEEEEEENER.