Friday night I hopped on the treadmill as I do every night because I’m super healthy and in super shape! I just mentally block out all of the chocolate chip cookies and pizza I ate this weekend. And also the lack of movement that took place.

After I got off the treadmill I walk out and can’t find my husband anywhere but I hear this unusual noise coming from our room. Turns out this unusual noise I was hearing was our vacuum. You can understand my confusion because that noise is rarely heard in my house, let alone when said noise is attached to my husband somehow.

He was being the wonderful husband he always is and was vacuuming to help me out with the cleaning. Isn’t he just the best?

Here’s where the problem comes in. I have a mild case of OCD. It comes and goes and only flares up in certain instances. Unfortunately it chose to rear its ugly head while Brian was vacuuming.

I actually told him to not worry about vacuuming and that I would do it. Not because I was being sweet but because my OCD inhabited brain was thinking, “He’s not going to do it right.” “What if he misses a spot that I always get to?” “He won’t remember to do this part of the house.” Why…WHy…WHY brain, why?

A man was vacuuming and I put an end to it.

This has to be a sign of the Apocalypse.

Not a whole lot going on in the ol’ home front this week. Unless you want to hear about me working out or going to work that’s been about the highlights, err I should say lowlights, of the week.

A few random things though:

On Sunday while out to eat with my family my dad got busted for not the first, but the second time using Jergen’s Natural Glow lotion as moisturizer on his face. How did he get busted? Because it turned the edge of his silver head of hair a nice bronzy, orangish color. He actually thought his hair was turning back to its natural color.

My brother’s birthday was Monday. I offered to be a surrogate for him and his wife. They didn’t ask me to do this and they don’t need me to do this. I just thought I’d put the offer out there. Mainly because I’ve always wanted to tell people a la Phoebe from Friends that I’m having my brother’s baby. I’ll keep you updated on any developments if any arise. Don’t hold your breath.

Today, today my pants stink. I made the mistake of wearing them to a Hibachi restaurant and not washing them. (Have I ever mentioned how I never wash my pants? Fear of shrinkage.) I tried Febreezing them a few hundred times and now it just smells like smoky, Hibachi food with a Febreeze chaser. The food was worth the smell though and obviously Febreeze has met its match!

My brain feels lighter now.

Have a great weekend everyone!

I love, love, LOVE punching my husband. It’s a daily occurrence in our house that I punch him at least once a day.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my hands are the size of a two-year olds and I only punch his arm. So basically it’s like a toddler is gently poking him. I think he secretly loves it, except for that rare occasion that I actually connect and hurt him. Those are the times I love it most!

This weekend I may have gone a little far. We were wrestling–yes really wrestling–and I went to poke him in the clavicle (Ladies this is a GREAT defense move if you ever need it) and my nail, which happened to be more like a talon at the time, GRAZED his neck. Barely touched him.

I made him bleed.

And now he has a scratch there and every time I look at it I laugh. Hysterically. I did trim my nails to get rid of the evidence.

Just know that if this post happens to be deleted it means he’s pressing charges.

Listen, I was not what you would call “popular” in high school. I wouldn’t say I was unpopular but I was definitely not popular. I never went to prom, I never went to parties, and I really didn’t ever date. Wow, maybe I was unpopular. It probably had something to do with my poufy hair and hairy arms.

I really didn’t care though. It wouldn’t bother me if my Friday night consisted of a little TGIF and some bonding time with my parents. Maybe this sounds like more of the Friday night you all had, but, I know most people in my high school were out partying and living it up.

On top of all of the bonding with the Olsen twins I was doing during TGIF, I was also doodling. Some major doodling if you ask me.

This is what started it off. I think I saw someone’s henna tattoo in a magazine or something and it just blew up from there.

If you’ll notice, I did do all of these on notebook paper and this one has the holes on the sides to prove it! Obviously I’m a natural artist, obviously.

I’m not sure what message I was trying to convey with this one. I’m sure it was pretty deep since Earth was at the center of this one.

Why would I have needed a boyfriend in high school when I have markers and notebook paper? Now that is the saddest thing I’ve ever written.

Last weekend Brian went on a last-minute ski trip to New Mexico with his friend Eric. Lauren, Eric’s wife, and I were stuck in Oklahoma to have a girl’s weekend. Ugh-what are two girls to do with their husbands out-of-town? Eat and watch HGTV of course!

But this post isn’t about eating or food. How do I always manage to turn everything into food and eating?

Back to the topic at hand…

While Brian was enjoying this view

he was also missing me terribly.

He was missing me so much in fact, that he thought of me in a gas station on the way home and got me a present I’ll treasure forever.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

BOOM!

A child-size t-shirt of a mystical, white horse. If that doesn’t scream New Mexico, I don’t know what does! And child-size? My husband is adorable isn’t he?

This shirt to me is very reminiscent of the infamous Three Wolf Moon shirt from Amazon. Am I right? But this one has lightning which makes it infinitely times more cool than the Three Wolf Moon shirt.

I’m going to wear this sucker until holes are bore into it. Finally a t-shirt I can wear to nice events like weddings and work parties. Thanks honey you really out-did yourself this time!

There’s always a certain moment in your life when you know you’ve hit a new low. That moment for me was last night.

Brian and I had just come home from the store and you all know what happens when you get home from the store right? You start opening everything and eating it like you’ve never had a meal in your whole life and you MUST taste that cookie or you will just die!!

I had a 100 calorie package of guacamole that I was eating with chips. There was still some left, but not enough to use a chip to dip it up. So I did what any logical, level-headed person would do. I licked the package clean.

The only problem was, was that I wasn’t alone. And Brian had turned to say something to me right at that precise moment that my tongue licked that last bit of guacamole out. I should have been ashamed, but I wasn’t. I proudly said, “Yes, I’m licking the last of the guacamole out of its package.” His only response was, “I thought I saw that right…”

Here’s the problem…not two minutes later was I opening a Smart Ones Chocolate Eclair. Well, some of the chocolate stuck to the top of the package. And you know where this is going. Yes, I was busted a second time in less than five minutes licking something off of a package.

Listen, it could be worse, I could be eating food out of the trashcan. Oh wait…I’ve done that too.

Don’t ask…

Everyone, I don’t want you to be too intimidated by this picture.

I know, I know that’s three scary looking fellas there. My husband, his cousin, and my future brother-in-law.

They look straight from the street if you ask me.

Now let’s zoom out shall we?

And when I say “the street” obviously I mean Sesame Street. We’ve got Oscar the Grouch, Batman, and Michelangelo the Ninja Turtle. I know I’d run away from them screaming. Not because I was scared, no, more like because I was totally weirded out.

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

How could I have possibly forgotten to tell you about the BEST DAY EVER?  (at least at work)

A puppy visited the office!

Now riddle me this friends: if you combined one part Lexi (the squishy part):


And one part Sadie (the brownish part):

Would you not get this little bundle of puppy? (Just scroll down for the up close evidence)

Does it get any cuter than that? I don’t think so.

If my dogs weren’t two, spayed females I would think there was some hanky panky going on. But alas they are…

It took everything in my power to not walk off with that puppy in my purse.

You know those moments when you wish you could go back in time and erase what you just said and then move on with life? That happened last weekend at a lunch gathering with my in-laws at Chilis.

Brian was telling a story and he said a phrase that sounded somewhat offensive. (I won’t give the details because this is a kid-friendly blog) (not that any kids are reading it, but just in case)

I said, with a snicker, “Oh honey you may want to re-phrase that.” Still laughing at myself.

His mother just looked at me like, “Hmmm…”

And his grandfather said, “What? OH–I didn’t even think of that until you said something about it.”

To which my husband replied, while glaring at me, “Yeah, WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT?”

I turned about 30 shades of red and buried my head in my arms while everyone laughed. I remember turning red and getting embarrassed later in the meal but I’ve blocked it out and completely forgot what it was about.

If someone could please pry my foot out of my mouth it would make it a lot easier to breathe. Thanks!

This friend of mine, psychotic friend that is, Ginny thought it would be fun to train me and I happily, (delusionally?) agreed. You see she’s certified to train people in CrossFit (Ginny if I have that wrong correct me please) and she’s basically got a whole gym in her garage.

Let me first show you a picture of, as I lovingly refer to her as, THE BEAST.

Look at her! She’s amazingly strong and very passionate about her workouts. She was also a very patient trainer.

I won’t go into the boring details about the workout, but I will say that I think I died three or four times during it. It’s fast paced and high intensity and quick. My whole workout only took a little over ten minutes, but like I said, it felt like three lifetimes because I almost, not to be overly dramatic, DIED. I won’t even mention how her husband and his friend were doing snatches and jump roping like it was NOTHING while I’m about to pass out after doing basic moves. I know inside their heads they were thinking, “Ehh rookie…”

God bless her little soul though, she kept trying to teach me certain moves and my brain just has trouble comprehending things sometimes. So finally she just said, “Ok, that’s good. Let’s move on…” Which translates to, “Ok, you’re never going to get this and I’m sick of watching you make a fool out of yourself.”

Ginny was such a great instructor (if you’re in OKC and actually know her get a hold of her. She’ll help you out!) and she should be. I mean she did get voted “Friendliest” in our high school’s superlatives. For future reference, I was voted “Most Likely to Become a Talkshow Host.”

Still waiting for that call Oprah…still waiting.